I CAN EDIT THIS PAGE AGAIN!? Currently cleaning it up because this is ALL OUTDATED.

 

That's basically all you need to know about this guy.

Name: Falcon, Douglas Jay. You can call him Captain.
Age: 37 38
Birthday: 4/10/1971 
Gender: Male
Blood Type: A+ This is canon, go figure.
Height: 6'3" (190.5 cm)
Weight: 200+ lbs. of HUGE.

Hair: Brown
Eyes: Brown

Game/Series: F-Zero
Occupation(s): Teaches physics, coaches football, track, and soccer.
Living Arrangements: An apartment within walking distance of campus. But he drives back and forth to school anyway. BECAUSE HE CAN.

Relations with Other Characters

OUTDATED TIMES A BILLION AAAGUHGHGH

Olimar: THIS WILL GET FILLED IN LAST I'M SURE BECAUSE IT'S GOING TO BE LIKE A PARAGRAPH.

Samus:

Snake:

Otacon:

Jeff: 

Ionia: Despite meeting her as a ten-year-old kid and experiencing some very awkward times regarding that, Falcon has made it a personal mission to look after/dote on/draw puppies with her to the point where he thinks of her as his own daughter and kind of sort of maybe wants to actually adopt her. He buys her things and takes her for rides in the Blue Falcon and generally spoils the heck out of her but that's okay because his excuse is that he doesn't want to stifle her genius, and he can't help that she has REALLY EXPENSIVE hobbies.

Kyle: Falcon likes Kyle! He likes bothering him and generally being a pain in his ass. He still hasn't quite apologized for nearly killing him back during the Gigi incident. At any rate, Kyle makes a good drinking buddy and unofficial Fab Four member. 

Rouge: Former student and bane of his existence. It was especially difficult for him to adjust to seeing her as a colleague, but he's trying. He really has a soft spot for her, and is a total sucker for the nostalgia and stories of Speed Racer porn. A picture of her in her senior year, along with several of her classmates in front of an egg-covered Blue Falcon is his desktop background. Just wait until he finds out she's dating Otacon!

Goroh: Ex-best friend and ex-partner #1 and the very definition of a falling out. They're arch-rivals and Falcon really tries to hate him. REALLY TRIES. And most of the time he DOES hate him and they fight like ten-year-olds but more recently they've reached the point of tolerance even if they still fight like ten-year-olds.

Dai: Godkid. Would probably like more him if Dai hadn't been raised to hate him. Would probably buy him presents too.

Antonio: Ex-partner #2. Falcon just kind of ignores him, seeing as Antonio is more Goroh's problem than anyone else's. SECRETLY HE JUST WANTS THE THREE OF THEM TO BE BFFS AGAIN BAAAAAW.

Jody: May or may not have been romantically involved with her at some point, despite their twelve-year age difference (Falcon you dirty old man). They're still very good friends. One time he rescued her from inside a building.

Blood: Batshit clone that ruined his life. Falcon is going to kill him. Someday. When he grows some balls and gets around to it.

Smeargle: Ohhhh Smee. He takes her out for ice cream and she splatters rainbow paint all over his office. That basically sums up their relationship.

Ness: Falcon doesn't know how Ness does it. Honestly, how can someone be that kind, helpful and patient? It boggles his mind.

Lucas: He likes Lucas a lot, but he thinks the kid could stand to grow a spine. Falcon's currently doing what he can to help him with the Ionia-financial-aid-situation.

Surge/Goose/Linebeck: Drinking buds. Funtimes. 

Bowser: Initially, he hated the guy. Bowser would harass him on journals and generally be a dick without any reason at all. Now, however, the two seemed to have reached some kind of mutual understanding and...friendship? Falcon has realized they're a lot more alike than he first thought. 

Lucario: Falcon doesn't know too much about the gym teacher, but he's thankful for his help when it comes to coaching.

DeDeDe: More of an annoyance than anything. DeDeDe's self-aggrandizing antics amused Falcon until the penguin started taking credit for things that were clearly Falcon's doing and harassing him while drunk. Whatevvvvs.

Pokey: Hatred that burns like the fires of a thousand hells. One time Pokey blew up his office and used his boyfriend as a human shield, which puts him on the hit list for life. 

Ganondorf: Falcon has a love-hate relationship with the kid. On one hand, he's a very reliable football captain and a great asset to the team. On the other...speedos. GODDAMN MISERABLE LITTLE SHIT. 

Luigi: Oh boy. Falcon knows Luigi is a good kid, and honestly feels sorry for him. He's still very sore about the whole Gigi thing, but if and when Luigi comes back from vacation, the Captain wants the best for him.

Dimentio: Falcon tries not to think these thoughts about students, but Dimentio can crawl in a ditch and die. He is not happy about being the victim of a rapeboxing that lead to him severely injuring Kyle and almost killing his boyfriend, and is even less pleased that the student had the balls to try out for the football team. Yay.

Charmeleon: This kid hasn't reached "crawl in a ditch and die" status, but he's getting there. Falcon pities him, in a way, knowing that if the kid continues acting the way he does, he'll end up very, very alone.

Rawk Hawk: Falcon eagerly awaits the day that Rawk Hawk is crushed and humiliated under the weight of his own ego.

Kirby: Despite a little door-punching mishap earlier in the year, Falcon finds the little puffball very endearing.

Lash: When he first met her, she scared the hell out of him with her talk of DEATH RAYS. Now, however, he's kind of warming up to her. She gets points for trying out for football.

Crazy Hand: Falcon just kind of ignored Crazy Hand until the stupid white glove hired his batshit clone. Now Crazy Hand can DIAF.

Other student interactions:

Other faculty interactions:

Backstory (MASSIVE HEADCANON ALERT): Virtually nothing is known of his personal history save the fact that he comes from a city called Port Town and is rumored to have gained his “Captain” title from being a former officer in the Internova Police Force.

He’s achieved incredible fame on the racing circuit (winning the F-Zero Grand Prix several times), as well as a solid reputation as a successful bounty hunter. Unfortunately, said reputation has secured him numerous enemies and rivals who would be all too glad to take him down. To counter this, he lives and practices racing in seclusion on a chain of private islands. Solitude gives him security, but effectively traps him in his profession.
And that’s where SumaBura comes in. Life in the fast lane (no pun intended) can get pretty tiring, even for those like Falcon who live for the action. Starting to think that maybe he’s past his bounty hunting (and to a lesser extent, racing) prime, he began to look for job opportunities that would put his skills to use (and not bore him to tears). SumaBura seemed to be a logical answer. And surprisingly, they hired him.

Never in his life did he think he’d end up as a teacher, of all things, but he seems to like the job, if not acting a little over-enthusiastic about it (especially when coaching). Whether his students like him or think he’s a total nutcase is yet to be seen. He’s still active in races and will often disappear for the weekend in order to participate. Though he doesn’t actually teach subjects like Smash Fundamentals, etc. he’s a very skilled veteran fighter and is always willing to help a student out. 


But that's only the half of it.

TRUE HEAD CANON HOLLYWOOD STORY: CAPTAIN FALCON.

Once upon a time there was a kid named Douglas Jay Lastnamewithheld. He had a mullet and some form of ADD and a relatively ordinary family life and was captain of the track team in high school or something. Upon graduating, he opted to skip out on real college and go straight to the Galactic Space Federation's (not to be confused with the GF) Police Academy. After finishing training at age 20, he entered the force and did a lot of paper pushing/sitting around/getting coffee spilled on him by that insufferable intern Tanaka/minor missions, but still showed an incredible amount of promise.

Dougie Jay showed enough promise at 21 to be promoted to Internova, the GSF's elite team of officers. One of the youngest to be accepted into the force (along with one Antonio Guster), he jumped at the chance to prove himself and was assigned to Team Seraphim, specially created upon his induction to deal with a dangerous drug trafficking circuit. The team, quite frankly, was composed of four douchebags, but DJ was lucky enough to be partnered with the hot chick capable Lisa Guster, the two of them working alongside her brother Antonio and a certain Samurai Goroh. It was here that the young man received a code name that would stick for the rest of his life, for better or worse.

Despite initial tensions, the four complemented each other extremely well and, after the success of their mission (during which Dougie Jay learned he could SET HIS EXTREMITIES ON FIRE HOW COOL IS THAT), they went on to become veritable superstars of Internova. There was no task this team couldn't handle, no one they couldn't take down. BFFs 4 lyfe. D'aww.

Things were good for the next five years or so. Team Seraphim continued to kick ass and take names. Goroh and Lisa got married. Doug...excuse me...Falcon (because by this point everyone called him that) was so good at being a cop they slapped Captain in front of his name. Yep. It was good to be an Internova officer.

But what goes up must come down. And two years after Dai Goroh was born, renegades with a lucky shot took Lisa out. The other three members of the team were devastated. Goroh and Antonio took it much harder than Falcon did, of course, and men who were once by-the-book cops turned vicious, taking down criminals with violence Falcon had never seen from them before. Eventually, his sense of duty got the better of him, and the Captain was forced to turn in his best friends for acts of police brutality.

The investigation that followed was swift. Goroh and Antonio were unceremoniously booted from the force, and when they found out their best friend and partner of eight years was the one responsible for it...well...let's just say there was a really ugly falling out. Falcon never really forgave himself for what happened to Lisa or for being the reason his friends were removed from Internova in disgrace, and he erased his records, turned in his own badge and left not long after, at age 29.

It was Captain Falcon from then on. He knew where he wanted to go from here, so anything that connected him to Doug Lastnamewithheld was destroyed. The transition was easier than he expected, as he wasn’t very well known outside of Internova, which was very secretive and elite to begin with (only about 20 agents at any given time). The near-complete effacing of who he was before joining the force was swift and final, to the point where no one would even know his face. For some reason, however, he never bothered to change his absolutely terrible first name, as much as he claimed to hate it. Perhaps it held some kind of personal value.

Falcon turned to independent bounty hunting after that, and proved to be very, very good at it. His own ability and remaining connections with members of the GSF gave him a startling advantage in the field, and in a very short amount of time he had built quite a reputation. Unfortunately, it was enough of a reputation for him to come to the attention of a lot of scum, from mafias to gangs to smugglers to drug rings to crime lords and so on. The Captain swiftly found that being good at bounty hunting meant suddenly having a lot of people that wanted to kill you, which of course, he had expected and anticipated. On the plus side, being good at bounty hunting also meant you made A LOT of money.

It was about then Falcon took to racing casually on an amateur circuit in his spare time. Things hadn’t really gotten to the point where EVERYONE AND THEIR GRANDMOTHER wanted him dead, so he found himself working on a car in his spare time, especially with talk of the formation of an actual racing league. He never really thought of making it a career but it swiftly became something he loved. So when the first F-Zero Grand Prix was announced, of course he participated. And at 30 years old, he proved to be very, VERY good at that too.

Falcon rose straight to the top of the league and stayed there, swiftly becoming somewhat of a poster boy, especially after winning the first Grand Prix. Which, of course, only made his enemies hate him more. And much to his chagrin, he found himself reacquainted with a certain old friend. What was once a falling out became a bitter rivalry only made worse by publicity. Over the next two and a half years, as he continued to race, Falcon was forced to withdraw more and more as his enemies took to the racetrack as well and began to make attempts on his life. It was nothing Falcon couldn’t handle of course. Besides, he was famous, respected, feared by criminals, earned ridiculous amounts of money and was safe on his little chain of private islands (which he bought with said ridiculous amounts of money). All in all, Falcon really didn’t have much to complain about.

He was 32 when the accident happened (late 2003). No one is sure how it occurred, or if foul play was involved, but out of everyone participating in the race, only Super Arrow crossed the finish line. (And here there’s a little bit of game canon contradiction. Some sources say that fourteen pilots died, others say that NO ONE died because Dr. Stewart is awesome and saved everyone. At any rate however…) Falcon barely made it out alive and was very lucky to have survived at all, albeit left comatose with near fatal injures.

Nevertheless, and somewhat miraculously, he was able to make a full recovery and found himself back in the swing of things before mid-2004 (age 33). Aaaand that’s when things started to suck. F-Zero was suspended indefinitely, fine. He always had his bounty hunting. Unfortunately, the instant he stepped back in the game, he found himself pursued by BLOOFLACO a psychotic doppleganger. Falcon quickly learned that while he was unconscious in the hospital, that dick Black Shadow took the opportunity to steal his DNA (Falcon often wonders why he didn't just kill him then...the Captain chalks it up to Shadow being a sick mofo), and subsequently create a clone whose only purpose was (and is) to off the original.

Falcon was, understandably, horrified, and with F-Zero suspended, he fled and withdrew completely from the public eye, only leaving his solitude to hunt bounty. Slowly it dawned on him that perhaps he was nearing the "past his prime" point, and that more people than ever wanted him dead, so he began to look for other options, not so much for another job opportunity as a place to hide.

SumaBura was the answer, and he joined the staff as physics teacher in 2004. The next few years were rather uneventful. Races were still suspended, Falcon would still hunt bounty on occasion and he had several more unfortunate run-ins with the batshit clone, but the important part was that no one knew what he was doing or where he was when he wasn't bringing in criminals. And as time went on, he went out less and less.

F-Zero was reinstated in early 2007 (F-Zero X). Now 36, Falcon found himself juggling three careers...but at the same time becoming more and more attached to the school. And that brings us to 2009, present time for SBG (and F-Zero GX game canon-wise). Falcon is 38 and has, for the most part, moved completely into FDC. He still races and keeps tabs on potential targets but rarely does any actual bounty hunting. He still tries to balance things, however, and takes great efforts to keep his primary career separate (and secret) from his teaching (and vice-versa).

It doesn't really work very well, but Falcon likes to pretend it does.

Canon Information


Other Information: